And the whole culture is obsessing over the wrong thing.
We’re captivated by the glamour, the seating chart, the fantasy that when two brilliant, gorgeous, successful people finally find each other, love becomes a smooth glide into the sunset. That’s the part everyone wants to believe.
As a couples therapist, I look at a wedding of this magnitude, and I don’t see a beautiful party. I see a biological pressure cooker. And I want to tell you what’s actually happening underneath, because the same dynamic is probably playing out in your own living room.
From cradle to grave, humans are wired as an interdependent species, in my opinion. You’re not a solitary creature who happens to like company. Your biology requires a primary attachment figure to feel safe in the world.
Your nervous system is constantly scanning your partner and asking two questions. Are you there for me? And am I enough for you?
In the honeymoon phase, the answer feels like a continuous, effortless yes. I compare it to a dance battle. You see someone across a club, they pull off a flawless breakdance, you respond with a perfect moonwalk, and your nervous systems instantly conclude you were made for each other.
But people mistake that initial biological sync for the relationship itself. They think finding the perfect match means the effortless feeling will just keep going forever.
